


Find Me

by SailorKamenRider



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Claire and Jack are siblings, M/M, angel!Sam, angel!cas - Freeform, angel!dean, human!Cas, human!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 14:10:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12961035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorKamenRider/pseuds/SailorKamenRider
Summary: It was Cas who found him first: beaten, bleeding, and half dead. When it was Cas' turn to ask Dean to find him, Dean takes up the challenge. But what if it's too late?





	Find Me

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank Kuwlshadow for the lovely art, and mansikkaomenabanaani for agreeing to beta this on such a short notice. I love you, both of you

 

~Twenty years ago~

Today’s a great time for a wedding.

Dean surveyed the place, pristine white tents set up in a line on the sandy beach: two on his left, and two on the right. A red carpet being weighed down by small pots of blue and white roses. The guests have all taken to their respective seats, which faced a small altar backed by the sea. Dean shakes his head. The priest will be having water sprayed on him throughout the ceremony. And then he saw the two small pews in front of the altar.

Well shit.

Dean ran back to the small room where the entourage waited, wading through a crowd of excited people, he searched until he found a head sticking out among others.

“Hey, Cas.” He hissed, pulling the other man a bit roughly.

“Hello Dean.”

Dean’s words got lost in his throat as he looked at Cas. A messy mane of dark hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a hint of a stubble darkening the already tanned face. God, he looked gorgeous.

“Dean? Is anything wrong?”

The worried tone of Cas’ voice brought his mind back to the present, and he cleared his throat in an attempt to also clear his mind. He looked back at Cas and found sapphire eyes focused on him, felt his cheeks flush.

“The altar, don’t you think it’s too close to the water?”

“It’s okay.” Cas grinned, then leaned close to Dean, making the slightly taller one blush as he smelled Cas’ perfume.

“It wouldn’t hurt to have Crowley drenched a bit.” This was followed by laughter. And gods, that voice, it made Dean’s gut tighten.

“But the pews?”

“I don’t mind getting wet. I’ve always loved the sea, and you know that.”

Damn, damn, of course he knew.

Dean swallowed the knot in his throat and just nodded, stepping away from Castiel to try and breathe some fresh air.

“Guys, guys! Everyone, places!” Gabriel’s voice boomed as he came running to the group. Dean and Cas share a look and Cas smiled at him, making the butterflies in his stomach giddy once more.

A buzz started inside the room as people started shuffling and lining up. Dean knew he had to move, the march won’t stop without him. He turned to Cas once again.

“Nervous?” Cas smiled, of course he could read Dean like a book. He tried to deny it but words got stuck in his throat so he just shook his head.

“You’re not fooling me.”

“Dean!” He felt a sharp tug as Gabriel started pulling him away from Cas.

~o~

The sound of the waves mixed with the music from the orchestra greeted him as he started his walk to the altar. Dean saw the guest looking at him, watching his every step.

‘This is it.’ He thought, and his heart tightened.

He takes the first step.

~o~

_Dean was an angel. He was once charged with hunting down demons who had escaped hell and ganking them before they could do any harm to humans. For over a millennia he did this job, and he was good at it. So good that he had risen to command his own garrison, a fleet of angels he handpicked to be his soldiers, and together they smite their enemies without remorse._

_For centuries his business had only concerned demons, in any instance that a human was dragged into their affair, he let his troops handle the memory wiping, and other menial stuff: his focus was on the demons._

~o~

He was midway down the aisle now, the velvet carpet over soft sand felt unsteady under his feet, and he realized that his emotions were the same. He spotted Sam sitting somewhere near the altar, lips drawn to a thin line, a crease prominent on his brow.

‘Jerk,’ he could almost hear Sam’s thoughts. He just smiled.

Sam shook his head and turned his face towards the sea.

Dean was almost at the altar.

~o~

_Demons. They were the only thing Dean was concerned about when he was in Heaven: it was his job to hunt down demons and everything else was secondary. He never thought about anything else, especially nothing about the shady politics in Heaven._

_It all started as a rumor, that Dean was slated to be Michael’s right hand, another promotion for him, and a big one at that. He laughed it off, saying that Heaven was full of angels who could fill that place, but the whispers only grew louder. He never listened to them._

_Until the day his own brothers turned on him._

_Zachariah approached him with a mission, the douchebag claimed it was from Michael, even handed a scroll with the Archangel’s sigil on it, so he believed. It was a solo gig, a bunch of low level demons terrorizing a small town somewhere in Orono and he’s to deal with it._

_Just another day at the office, no biggie._

_Except it was._

_He arrived in the city, scoured his prey and confirmed the presence of demons. He followed them to their hideout, and that was where he thought he’d die._

_There were no demons in sight inside the barn, and yet he could feel them. Of course they were hiding, and Dean wasn’t going to disappoint them if they wanted to play hide and seek. But apparently, the demons were hiding a couple of tricks up their nasty sleeves._

_He heard the growls at the same time as he felt something heavy push him to the ground, Hellhounds. Fucking hellhounds._

_To make things worse, a light erupted around him, or to be precise, a ring of fire. He was trapped in a circle of holy oil with hellhounds._

_And then the conspirators appeared, five demons and Zachariah, all gloating at him. He would’ve paid more attention to them had he not been to busy fighting off five hounds. He managed to smite two when the floor beneath him lit up, the blazing lines forming a sigil._

_Fuck._

_Trapped and powerless, he felt the claws and teeth sink into him, the pain dulling every other sensation and thought as he fell to the cold floor. He never thought he’d die this way._

_Only, he didn’t._

~o~

He took his place beside the front pews, the butterflies in his stomach danced wildly, thus his anxiety amped up. He watched Gabriel approach and he tried to smile as the smaller man gave him a friendly tap on the shoulder.

“Never thought this day would come. My own little brother getting married.” Gabriel commented, wiggling his eyebrows at Dean. He smiled nervously.

The music from the orchestra swelled, and just as all heads turned to the little group of musicians under their own tent, Dean’s eyes were fixed on the aisle, or rather on the man who started to walk towards him.

The situation might’ve been different, but Cas looked almost the same as he did that night in the barn. That confident walk, hair tousled, eyes bursting with sapphire light. The only difference was this time Cas smiled.

~o~

_Dean barely noticed the slight change around the barn, his brain too preoccupied with the pain and trying to fend off the hounds. He didn’t hear the screams from the demons, or from Zachariah, he only saw the light: so white and blinding that he was forced to close his eyes._

_He welcomed death in that moment, only to wake up still alive._

_“Are you alright?”_

_The voice was deep, calming. Dean struggled to open his eyes, blinking away the blood gushing out from his head._

_“W-who?” he tried to piece a coherent sentence together but the pain was too much._

_“Hold on, I’ll heal you.”_

_He felt something on his skin, and suddenly, a wave of grace filled him, coursing through his veins and sending warmth all over him. He shuddered as he felt his wounds close._

_Grace. Angel._

_When he opened his eyes again, he was greeted by the bluest pair of eyes he had ever seen. And the stranger’s face, his true face registered in his brain. A million eyes, each one containing every color in existence, jet black wings that seem like a star-filled night. And the face, radiant and handsome, still with those blue eyes that reflect ancient knowledge._

_The Seraph Castiel._

~o~

~Present~

“Get outta the waaaaaaaaayyyyy!!!!” Kevin yelled, his face pale with fright as he slid across the deck.

Around him, a group of young ladies giggled as Kevin screeched, arms outstretched, trying to grasp something.

“There you go.”

A loud groan of dismay was heard as Kevin abruptly stopped, thanks to Sam’s moose of a body that served as a wall. The young man thanked Sam and wobbled his way to the nearest railing.

“Kids.” Benny chuckled before pretend-shouting the rules to the small crowd of youngsters below. “I don’t want anyone murdered on my ship! If you want to kill each other, I’d be happy to suggest an island or two!” the large man roared and was met my cheers from below.

“Hey, thanks a lot for doing this, man. You don’t know how much this means to everyone.” Dean said, walking up beside Benny.

“No problem, brother. It’s for the young lady’s birthday, and you know how much I adore those kids.” Dean gave him a nod.

“I know it’s not my place, but…”

Dean watched as Benny hesitated, looked out at the kids playing on the deck once again, trying to figure out the right words to say. And just as his friend had opened his mouth to finally divulge his thoughts…

“Dad?! Daaad?!”

The two turned and saw a young man looking around. Dean immediately waved for him to come over while Benny watched.

“Your dad’s busy baking your sister’s birthday cake. Anything wrong, Jack?” Jack shook his head.

“I thought he might want some help…”

“That, or you’re afraid your sister will make you her next target for the roller skates.” Benny smirked, Jack grinned sheepishly.

“Off you go then, before your sister notices you. Dean, you better come with him.”  
Dean blinked, confused. What about the thing Benny was about to say?

“I can look after this shitboat for a while. We need Claire’s birthday to be perfect.”

Dean nodded and ushered Jack to the small kitchen where they saw the not so little mess Cas had made.

“Seriously, Cas?” Dean said, amusement lacing his voice. Cas glared at him then a moment later, those blue eyes looked like it was begging.

“Haven’t I told you that I could help?”

“Well, I thought I could manage it by myself.”

Dean looked at Jack and shrugged. The two joined Cas and Dean started to point out to Jack the things he needed as well as some instructions for cleaning up.

“You look like an old man.” Dean laughed as he noticed the generous coat of flour on Cas’ head, making the dark tint go snow white. Without thinking, he stepped in front of Cas and started brushing the flour off his hair, which would have been acceptable had Dean not been standing way too close for comfort. But Cas didn’t say a word, and just let Dean do as he pleased.

 

~Twenty years ago~

 

“Cas.” He smiled, immediately enveloping Castiel in his arms the moment Castiel was in front of him.

“Hello Dean.” Cas chuckled when they parted, hand resting on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean winced, feeling the weight of Cas’ hand on the imprint hidden beneath his clothes.

Cas’ handprint.

Cas went to Gabriel and hugged him too, Dean suddenly caught Sam’s eyes and saw his younger brother staring at him.

He wondered what he saw in Sam’s eyes…

Anger?

Frustration?

‘Dean, you don’t need to be there.’ He remembered Sam’s words.

Pity?

Cas stood beside him, and Dean clenched his fist tight, fingernails digging deep into his skin to prevent himself from grasping Cas’ hand.

He cannot.

He should not.

He tried to focus on the memories instead.

~o~

_He thought it was just a legend, Castiel was a name familiar in Heaven but as a myth, a story. The angel who forsook Heaven to remain on Earth, watching, helping, guiding. It was said that he was one of God’s most favored children, he used to play the harp and sing at the feet of the Throne, his voice echoing throughout the highest plane of Heaven._

_“I don’t have a harp.” Came the gruff reply._

_“What?” he asked, trying to sit up._

_“Sorry, I, I just heard your thoughts. What they told about me in Heaven… they’re… they’re not true. Well, not all of it.”_

_Castiel’s aura had disappeared, he now appeared in human form, what once looked like an imposing being now looked like a haggard tax accountant._

_“I own a book shop and keep bees.” Dean stared at Castiel._

_“Sorry, I read your thoughts again. What’s your name?”_

_“Dean.”_

_“The Dean? Prince of the Principalities?” There was no touch of humor in Castiel’s voice, but Dean found the statement funny, if only he enjoyed being called such._

_“No. Those, those re just stories.”_

_“So, are we both stories then?” Dean blinked and then laughed._

_“Wait, Zachariah? Did you?” Castiel turned his head to the direction where Zachariah lay on the ground. Dead? Unconscious?_

_“He’s alive. You can take him back to face the repercussions of his plot. I don’t know why an angel would work with a demon to get rid of another angel, but you seem to have enemies up there, Dean. I’d be careful if I were you.”_

_Castiel stood up, Dean watched him, knowing all too well that the Seraph would soon disappear. A part of him screamed to stop the other angel, but he couldn’t find a sensible reason as to why he should do that, nevertheless, he opened his mouth._

_“Castiel.” He staggered to get on his feet._

_“How did you find me?” This seemed to stop the Seraph and he faced Dean once again._

_“I was passing by when I heard about demonic activities around the area. I was wondering why Heaven wasn’t sending angels to take care of it. Then I heard whispers…” he stopped, looked Dean dead in the eyes._

_“Your grace shines untainted, and you don’t seem to be someone who would cause harm to anything save demons. But there are those who want you dead. That one is one of them. I suggest you watch your back from now on.”_

_“Wait, you heard them? Over angel radio?” Castiel smiled._

_“I’m still an Angel of the Lord. Goodbye, Dean. I wish you well.”_

_He heard the sound of flapping wings and Castiel vanished. Dean walked to Zachariah and true enough, the other angel’s still alive, much to his disdain. He prepared to go back to Heaven when he heard something, a soft whisper in his head._

_“I trust you will keep your meeting secret.”_

_And so he did. Zachariah was imprisoned, and he was told that the matter was being investigated upon. Michael himself talked to him, even personally offered the post as the Archangel’s right hand, but he refused. He said he was happy doing his job and went his way. He had no intentions of sitting back up in the clouds, not now, not when he was determined to find the Seraph again_.

 

~Twenty Years Ago~

 

And he did find him.

“Here.”

Dean blinked, eyes focusing on the stainless steel flask in front of him. His eyes wandered to whoever put that on the table and saw his brother’s face.

“What’s this?” he asked, opening it and taking . He wrinkled his nose as his nose was assaulted by the strong smell of alcohol.

“My gift.” Sam sneered, but it was lacking the needed enthusiasm. Dean took a swig and coughed.

“Where the hell did you get this stuff?”

“Balthazar. He’s secretly brewing this on Earth, said this is the best knockout juice in existence. I gather you’d want one tonight.” Dean narrowed his eyes.

“Since when were you into the Balthazar’s road to depravity thing?” Sam glared at him.

“Just this once. For you. Because both of us know you need it.” Sam tapped him on the shoulder and disappeared.

“Freakin’ angels.” Dean muttered, still not used to angels popping in and out of sight, something he used to do before.

 

~Present~

“Uh, Dad?”

All of a sudden, Dean’s blood ran cold as he heard Jack’s voice. Of course they weren’t alone. He immediately stepped away from Cas.

“Yes, Jack?”

Dean watched them, he always liked seeing the family interact, even when Jack and Claire were grown up young humans, the closeness between them and Cas remained. It’s nothing but a blessing.

“Dean? Did you hear me?”

“U-uh, no. Whatcha say?” He saw Cas roll his eyes, something Dean loved to see.  
Usually he would rile Cas up to see those rare eye rolls, but now, it’s true that he didn’t catch any of Cas’ words.

“I told my son to help his uncle Dean prepare the cake while I go and take a quick shower.”

“Oh, okay. Capiche, captain!” Dean raised his hand in a salute, making Cas roll his eyes once again.

“Kid, you sure you know how this works?” Jack’s blue eyes sparkled as he nodded vigorously.

“You’d be surprised. Jack here takes after Kelly when it comes to baking…” For a moment, Dean’s heart fluttered and ached. Unknown to him, Jack was looking at him, studying his reaction.

“And I bet Claire is as genius in the kitchen as you are.” Dean grinned, trying to drown that white hot sting in his chest.

“Assbutt.” Cas muttered before shutting the door.

 

~Twenty years ago~

 

He stared at the flask, considering pouring the contents down his throat right at that moment, but he thought better of it. He glanced at the room where the reception was ongoing. The people around him laughed, talked, danced. Everyone looked happy. He let out a dry laugh and took another gulp. His eyes searched for Cas, found him in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by people, genuinely happy people. He felt his chest tighten again. He pocketed the flask and walked away.

He drove back to his apartment and sulked on his bed, not even bothering to take off his shoes. He drank from the flask as if it contained water and he relished the burning sensation it gave him, loved how it dulled the ache eating at him.

Ring

‘Don’t answer it.’

Ring

‘Just drink.’

Ring, ring

Goddammit.

“Dean?” Cas’ worried voice greeted him, and the guilt he felt immediately sobered him up.

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“Where are you? We’re throwing the garter soon, come inside.” Cas’ voice was jovial, almost mischievous. Something he’s not quite familiar with.

‘Who are you?’ Give me my old Cas back.’ His mind screamed. ‘Give him back. Bring us back to before all this shit started.’ He sniffed.

“Dean? Dean, are you okay?” the worry was back in Cas’ voice, and Dean mentally kicked himself for being the reason for Cas’ distress.

“Felt a cold coming. Didn’t wanna go and spread my virus around so I thought I’d go home and turn in early. Sorry if I disappeared…” he heard an audible sigh of relief from the other line.

“No, no. I understand. I’ll tell Kelly about it, she’s also worried about you when you disappeared.” Dean forced a laugh.

“You got yourself quite a girl there, Cas. Congrats on making it official, buddy.”

“Whatever happened to no chick flick moments?”

“Stop ruining my moment, Cas.” Cas laughed at this, and it ripped Dean’s heart apart.

“You take care of yourself Dean. Kelly and I will see you first thing after our honeymoon.” Dean emptied whatever remained of the liquor down his throat. Damn, Sammy was right, he needed it.

“Yeah.”

“Goodbye.”

“Cas!” he blurted out, much like the way he did when they first met.

Only this time it’s different.

“Find me.” He muttered under his breath, the alcohol addled his mind to the extent that he’s making a desperate bid right now.

‘Remember.’ His mind screamed.

‘Remember me. Us.’

“Dean? I didn’t quite get that.” His heart sank.

“Find me when you get back.”

“No problem. Take care, goodnight.”

‘I love you.’

“Goodbye, Cas.”

 

~Present~

 

The memories didn’t stop coming, and Dean thanked the cake for helping him ease his mind out of old, unwanted memories.

Unwanted?

“Is it almost done?”

Jack asked impatiently, one hand holding an plastic bag filled with icing, the other, a little spatula to smoothen the frosting. Dean laughed and checked the timer again. It won’t be long now. When they hauled the cake out of the oven, Dean watched as Cas and Jack worked on decorating it, his mind treacherously toying with the idea of him, Cas, Claire, and Jack as a family. What would it be like? Would they be as happy as this?

“I love it.” His heart skipped a beat when he heard Cas say this. Then he cursed himself for falling prey to his own mind. Of course Cas didn’t say that in answer to the question he was thinking about just now.

But what if?

What if

What if?

“It’s beautiful.” He said, though his mind phrased it as: “it would’ve been beautiful.”

Cas smiled at him, and God, he’d give anything to be the reason behind that smile.

~o~

The itinerary for the day was simple: They would sail to a small island and there they will celebrate Claire’s nineteenth birthday. Jody, Donna, Ash, and Ellen had gone before them and camped out to prepare for their arrival. Besides, there’s also one reason why they’re throwing this lavish party: Cas is about to leave.

“Dean, can I talk to you for a sec?” Dean was thankful that he went out first and left Cas and Jack to take care of the finishing touches to the cake. Claire was waiting for him, and she looked worried.

“Anything wrong?”

“I guess Jack and my dad are in the kitchen.” She smiled wanly. Dean nodded.

“He’s leaving next week.” Claire said matter-of-factly. Dean nodded again.

“You’re worried about your dad?” Claire bit her lip.

“Your dad is old enough. He can handle a few weeks away from home.” Claire did not look convinced.

“It’s just that. Have you seen him? He looks like a puppy. He might get lost there, or get mugged…” Dean laughed.

“He’s stronger than he looks. And yes, he’s a softie, but I think he can handle himself.”

Claire frowned.

“Listen…”

“CLAIRE!!!” Alex and Patience came running towards them, and in a span of several seconds, Claire was being dragged away from him, with Patience doing the dragging while Alex was trying to cover his mouth.

“What was that?” Cas asked, poking his head out.

“Just Claire and her friends. She’s worried about you.”

“I know. But it’s just a few weeks in Rome. A quick talk, some book signing, that’s all. I’ll be back before she misses me.”

“I doubt that.”

“Well, if you want, I can buy you a ticket…” Dean shuddered at Cas’ words.

Yes, he was an angel, but he’d gone human, and maybe something in him snapped so that now he’s afraid to fly.

“Why’d you think I stuck with ships?” He scowled, Cas laughed.

But the idea was tempting. Three weeks in Rome. With Cas. Alone.

 

~Twenty years ago~

 

When Dean woke up the next morning, or rather, afternoon, his head was buzzing and his stomach growling. He staggered up to his feet, and marched to the bathroom where he spent a good two minutes dry heaving into the toilet bowl. The washed his face before he tried to remember what happened before he passed out last night.

Balthazar’s drink.

The wedding.

Cas’ wedding.

Cas wedding to Kelly.

His stomach gave another lurch and he gripped the sides of the sink to steady himself.

“Calm the fuck down, Dean.” He whispers to himself.

He went to the kitchen for some coffee and tried to sort out his thoughts, but his mind only went back to the memories.

 

~o~

_Dean still led the charge against the demons, but this time, after the barn ambush, he would take some time to linger on Earth. Angels could take human form, or rather, the higher ranking angels could. Dean was high enough on the ladder to be given such privilege so he didn’t bother with a vessel, besides, he wouldn’t want to look different, not when he was out secretly looking for Castiel. Yes, angels could see the face behind the mask if ever an angel or demon took a vessel, but he didn’t want Castiel to see him other than what he was. He doesn’t want something to be in between them when he saw Castiel again._

_It took him a long time, probably several years before he saw the angel again. As suspected, the Seraph had warded himself against celestial beings, and he felt his spirits take a nosedive after that. He wanted to see Castiel so bad, he wanted to ask him a lot of things._

_And so he tried to find him. He would fly across the country in the guise of surveying it for demonic activity when in fact he was out searching for his rescuer. He wanted to ask Castiel a lot of things: why he left Heaven, why he was staying on Earth, what did he like so much about that broken world and the filthy animals who had taken dominion over it._

_“They’re not filthy animals, you know.”_

_Dean was sulking outside the barn where he first met Castiel. He’d had another fruitless search and he couldn’t take the frustration anymore. He just wants to see the Seraph. He was sitting on the ground, back against the rotting wood of the barn when he heard that deep voice. He immediately looked up._

_“Castiel.” He whispered, as if afraid that the other angel would disappear if he uttered the name out loud._

 

~Present~

 

“Dean?”

Dean blinked, being forcefully dragged back to the present by Cas’ voice. Father and son were looking at him, Jack was looking concerned so he managed a smile before leading them back on deck.

“We’ll reach the island soon. Better get ready.”

And reached the island they did. Even though they had to go around the island because Jody said it was the best spot for sunsets. Dean and Sam helped hauling off the party necessities and bags while Benny took care of the ship. They were greeted by party poppers and hugs as they joined the little party. Bobby and Ash were already busy grilling meat and veggies. The kids immediately ran around the beach, securing spots for their tents while the grown ups did all the adulting.

They spent the day partying: playing on the sand and the beach, they brought out the cake and sang songs. When the sun started her descent, they started cleaning up and pitching up their tents.

“It’s beautiful.” Claire muttered as they huddled together watching the sunset.

Bobby insisted on taking a group photo but they all ended up as silhouette outlines against the golden orange hue of the sky. Claire loved it anyways and said she would have it printed for her bedroom. When the night came, Dean lit fires and they ate some more while trying to outdo each other by telling scary stories by the fire.

“Dean, tell us a story.” Claire grinned. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Come on, you used to tell me a bunch of stories!” she whined.

“Sorry Claire, your puppy dog eyes won’t work on me. You’re not half as good as your father.” He paled when he realized what he said then he coughed, trying to dismiss it.  
“Anyways, I don’t have a story. I can’t remember any story appropriate for kids your age.”

“The angel!” Jack piped up. Dean gaped at him.

“You always tell us that story!” Jack exclaimed, pure innocence in his voice. Dean curses under his breath.

“Oh yes! I remember that too!” Claire joined.

“What angel?” Charlie asked, eyes sparkling. Dean glared at her.

But now, all eyes are on him, expecting, curious. Everyone was looking at him, and across him, illuminated by dancing wisps of red and orange flames, Castiel’s blue eyes seemed to glow, and he was that the man is looking intently at him. Dean let himself be drawn in by those eyes. He sighed.

“Okay. Once upon a time…” he heard a snide remark from somewhere at how cheesy that sounded but he didn’t care. He kept looking at Cas.

“There was an angel from Heaven, a Seraphim, one of the most powerful, most beautiful angels in existence-“

“What’s the angel’s name?” Charlie asked. Dean looked at her then his gaze went back to Cas.

‘Castiel’ his mind wanted to say.

“He doesn’t have a name.” he shot back. Charlie protested.

“That’s lame. There should be a name!”

“My story, my rules.”

“Shhh… let him continue!” Claire said.

“Okay. Back to the angel. Now, the angels, despite being tasked to protect the Earth and humans are generally viewing us as nothing more than the dirt under their fingernails.”

“Wow, dicks.” Charlie and Alex muttered.

“I know.” Dean agreed. Sam glared at him.

“But not this one. Our angel…” again, his gaze fell on Castiel.

‘My angel’

“This angel, he loved the Earth and everything on it. So he left Heaven in order to take care of it. He lived like a mortal, he set up a bookshop, kept bees, became friends with mortals. Until one day, he came across another angel who was injured from a fight with demons. He saved the other angel and probably thought that it was the last he would ever hear of him, but…

~o~

_“I say you were pretty persistent, Prince, and loud.” Castiel’s voice was in its usual monotone, but it would seem that the corners of his lips have moved several micro inches up. Dean blinked._

_“I didn’t… I… What?” he stammered. Castiel sat down beside him, and Dean could feel a sort of warm, comforting feeling coming from Castiel’s grace._

_“I heard you, you were calling for me. Well, not really, but…” Castiel looked at him, Dean noticed that the sky paled in comparison with Castiel’s eyes._

_“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but, it’s like you were praying to me…”_

_Silence. Dean tried to digest those words. Even if he was a soldier, Dean was well aware that Angels could hear prayers, especially those directed at them. But it was only now that he was made aware that even angels could send prayers too._

_So, was he praying? To Castiel?_

_“It’s not…” Castiel began, and they both stopped as they realized that the Seraph had read his mind again. Dean gave a smile and nodded, prompting the other angel to continue._

_“It’s not praying. No, it’s more like… longing.”_

_Another silence._

~o~

“This is starting to sound like a chick flick. I didn’t know you like chick flicks!” Jo grinned.

“He does. He likes it.” Jody laughed.

“A lot.” Sam interjected. They laughed.

“Shhhhh.” Claire and Jack glared, they were too absorbed with the story. They’ve heard this over and over again and yet they wouldn’t tire of it.

“They meet again. The other angel asked the Seraph…”

~o~

_“Why did you leave Heaven Castiel? Why did you choose this place over our home?”_

_Castiel looked at the horizon, it was early in the morning and the world was just starting to wake up._

_“I love this place. The Earth is as beautiful as Father envisioned it to be.” Dean gave him an incredulous look._

_“This planet is dying. Everyone here is going to die and no one will even remember this little thing existed. The human, they’re all lawless, shameless apes….” He was cut off when Castiel laughed._

_“They’re more than that. I could show you, you know.” Dean looked at him and found himself lost in those blue eyes. And surprisingly, he found the invitation, appealing._

_“When?” he piped up, and blushed as he realized how excited he sounded like._

_“Really?!” But Castiel’s face and eyes rivalled his excitement, and something in Dean leaped for joy._

_“When do we leave?”_

_Castiel stood up and faced him, Dean could see the outline of six magnificent wings on the Seraph’s back, the sunlight shining behind him, giving him a halo. Castiel held out a hand in front of him._

_“Let’s go.”_

~o~

“And so they flew. They flew most of the day, they visited different cities, met different people, and even if they didn’t need to eat, the Seraph made the other angel taste human food, it tasted like molecules, but the other angel thought there was something more.

Before the other angel went back to Heaven, he made the Seraph promise for them to meet again. And they did. The other angel did not turn against his Heavenly duties, but made sure that time was allotted to meet with the Seraph. Their meetings became a regular occurrence, and the time sent together became longer…”

“Oh my god, are they falling in love?” Alex whispered.

“Probably. Are angels allowed to fall in love?” Patience asked.

“No.” Dean said flatly.

“What happened?”

“Heaven became suspicious as to why the other angel was frequently missing after missions. He’d made enemies before and they took that opportunity to spread lies and rumors.”

~o~

_“Dean.”_

_Dean had just arrived from Heaven. Castiel introduced him to his little bee colony, and gave him a sample of the honey they made. He also experienced selling books for the first time. And even though Castiel had to rescue him the few times someone asked for a book he recommended, and he would blurt out something in Enochian, he learned a lot._

_But now that he was back home, he must forget those for a while, especially when Sam was in front of him, face all scrunched up._

_“Where have you been?” his younger brother hissed._

_“Flying around. What?”_  
_“There are rumors that you’re up to something down there. A demon deal, something to overthrow Michael.”_

_“That’s insane! Who started that bullshit? Zachariah?!”_

_“It doesn’t matter who started what. You’re in hot water right now. I suggest you stick to your missions for a while.”_

~o~

“Did he?” Jo asked.

“Fifty bucks say he didn’t.” Charlie.

“Wait, when did we establish their genders?” Patience looked at Charlie and Jo.

“Heard it from Claire.” Jo shrugged.

“He said so!” Claire pointed at Dean.

“Me?”

“Yeah.” Jack nodded. Dean heard Sam let out a stifled laugh and he gave him a look. Sam nearly doubled over laughing.

“I believe…” Cas’ deep voice caught everyone’s attention and all eyes turned to him.  
“Angels are indifferent to sexual orientation.” Dean coughed.

“Would you guys let me finish? Or should we call it a night?”

The youngsters yelled a collective, “No!”

“But that asshole angel didn’t listen. Well, he initially did, but every time he went down to Earth, he saw things differently, and somehow he ended up thinking about the Seraph.”

“Wait, so is the Seraph a girl?” Dean had not seen who warranted a whack on the head.

“Indifferent!” Claire emphasized, Dean gave her a grateful look.

“And the Seraph always heard him. Sometimes, a bird would perch on the angel’s shoulder and whisper to him, or it could be that he would hear the Seraph’s words. But it became unbearable. Without seeing the Seraph, the angel felt hollow. And so, despite all rational thought, he met with the Seraph again.”

~o~

_“Ever thought about becoming human?” He asked Cas as they prepared to open Cas’ book shop._

_“No. Why?”_

_“So you don’t need to hide anymore.” Cas laughed._

_“Being with humans and being human is different. I don’t think I’d last as a human if I ever become one. Besides, with my powers, I could help the humans. Heal them, soothe them. I am more useful that way.”_

_They were filling up a shelf when Dean involuntarily reached out and touched Cas’ hand. Surprised, he withdrew his hand and shifted his gaze to whatever stood farthest from Cas but he heard a low chuckle._

_“Celestial being, Dean…”_

_Dean felt a hand on his shoulder, a hand that gently trailed up to his jaw and directed his face towards Cas. His breath hitched as he saw those blue eyes, his grace burning in him as the space between their faces lessened._

_“I can read minds.”_

_Those were the last thing he remembered before they kissed, and the kiss was the last thing he remembered before they were tripping over books and finally landing on the cold floor. All that mattered then were the caresses, the whispers. Clothes got discarded and for the first time, Dean felt afraid._

_“I got you.” Cas whispered in his ear._

_Dean felt Cas’ grace envelope him, it felt like the warmth of fire and the touch of a thousand hands against his skin. Cas’ grace slowly melded with his, trying to ease the pain when the Seraph breached his entrance. Dean’s grace surged at the fullness in him, he let his grace seep into Cas’ form, his ears rejoiced at the groans coming from Cas, and encouraged them with his own moans. It was the gravest sin any angel could commit but what could they do?_

_The sacrilege made their lovemaking even more gratifying. Dean was a mess when he finally came, the lights above their heads and in surrounding areas exploding._

_“Cas.” He repeats the name over and over like a prayer while Cas continues thrusting inside him._

_“Shhhh.” Cas cooed, a hand reaching down to Dean’s spent member and toying with it, long fingers swirling around the tip, nails playfully scratching around the small hole there._

_When Cas came, it seemed like a portion of the city lost its power. Cas put it to coincidence, but Dean insisted it was because of Cas’ holy juice._

_“Was it pleasurable?” Cas asked, arms tightening around Dean, who hummed in response._

_“Well I guess that’s another reason for me to stay as an angel.” They laughed._

~o~

Of course Dean did not relate that part. He’d been telling this story to Claire and Jack since they were kids, and he would like to think he still had enough decency in him to spare the kids such information.

“Earth to Dean… What happened next?” Charlie was waving a hand in front of his face.

“Do you need me to finish the story?” Claire asked, moving close to Dean.

“Move your face.” Dean snapped, waving Claire away.

Claire moved and Dean was greeted by Cas’ smiling face. He felt his cheeks burn red that moment.

Shit.

“Deeeaaaannn.”

“Okay, fine.”

“Do you always take this damn long, Dean? I could tell them my own stories and I’d have finished thirty of them already by now.” Benny jeered. Dean threw a piece of firewood at him.

“I would have finished earlier if you guys weren’t a bunch of bitches.”

“Language!” Jody and Ellen said in unison. Jo and Dean just rolled their eyes.

Dean resumed his story telling position, he avoided looking at Cas now or else he wouldn’t be able to concentrate.

“Good things always come to an end, but for them, it came earlier than expected. A group of angels led by the Archangel Raphael found them. It didn’t help that the dickbag was a traditionalist, and seeing a Seraphim who abandoned Heaven with an angel rumoured to be plotting against Heaven screamed treason for him. The two were captured.”

“Wait, one is a Seraph, wouldn’t he be a match for those angels?” Alex asked.

“Well, Raphael is an Archangel with a capital A which is sort of up there with God’s favorites. You know, parents…” this earned him another glare from Jody and Ellen.  
“The Seraph put up an amazing fight, they both did, but once that big bag of airdicks made his move, it was hopeless. Yet, the Seraph protected the angel.”

~o~

_“Cas!”_

_How fast did things turn south. As he and Cas were busy tidying up the mess they made in the shop (using only a bunch of candles as light), Raphael and his gang arrived. They fought, but even a Seraph was no match for an Archangel. Raphael tried to smite them but Cas shielded Dean. Miraculously, the Seraph survived, albeit barely. He could see half of Castiel’s wings broken, his face and body drenched with blood. He was unable to move and the other angels took this as an opportunity to use Enochian handcuffs on him. He was powerless._

_“Don’t touch him!” Dean snarled._

_“Oh no, I won’t,”_

_Raphael knelt down and Dean stared at the gleaming blade in the Archangel’s hand. The blade pierced Cas’ throat, and Dean saw Cas’ grace slip out from him and into a bottle in Raphael’s hand._

_“Death is too good for him.”_

_Dean’s watched Cas gasp for air like a dying fish as he was taken back to Heaven._

~o~

“The Seraph dies?” Patience asked

“Relax. He didn’t. But we’ll get back to him later. The angel was taken as prisoner and was locked in one of Heaven’s deepest prison. There he thought about the Seraph, and mulled about the things he wanted to do. He wanted to kill Raphael and every angel in Heaven. He wanted to protect the Seraph, He wanted to tell Ca-“ Dean stopped.

Cas. He almost said the name.

Cas.

He almost said he wanted to tell Cas he loved him.

Cas.

Love.

He gulped.

“He wanted to say, call the angels out for their bullshit. But he didn’t have the power…”

~o~

_“I do.”_

_A disembodied voice rang around his cell. Dean looked around but saw no one, just the darkness._

_“I can help you. I can give you the power you want.”_

_A woman stepped out of the darkness: tall, beautiful, and dangerous. But Dean was beyond caring right now. He heard “power” and that’s the only thing that mattered._

_“What’s the catch?”_

~o~

“That day, Heaven was rattled when the dungeons exploded. The angel got the juice he needed and he blasted his way out of it, and the angels didn’t stop him. He met with Michael but the Archangel understood that the source of Dean’s power was something greater than that of any other angel, it was older than them. The angel told Michael he only wanted to go back to Earth and find the Seraph. He would hurt no angel.”

“Not even the dickbag who hurt the Seraph?!” Alex yelled indignantly.

“I wasn’t finished.”

“Good.”

“The angel gave Raphael the beating of his life. In front of the entire Heavenly host.”  
Dean grinned in satisfaction at the memory.

~o~

_“Stop!”_

_Dean knew that voice. His focus shifted from Raphael to Castiel who walked among them in his true form. His grace radiant and burning. Dean could feel a dark undertone in that grace, but Castiel’s light overpowered it. He watched as Castiel approached him and he released Raphael._

_“It’s enough Dean.” Cas went back to his human form and cradled his face with his hands._

_“You’re alive.” Cas smiled._

_“You didn’t have to do this, Dean.”_

_“What? Because you’re going to save me?” he smirked._

_In a flash, Dean found himself in the middle of a garden, he could sense Cas’ grace around and he realized that this was Cas’ Heaven._

_“What did you do, Dean?” Cas asked._

_“What I had to.” An audible sigh._

_“I was desperate. I thought you were gone.”_

_“We can’t stay here.”_

_Of course, of course Cas would sense it. The price of his power._

_“Yes.”_

_“Will you stay with me?” Dean asked the impossible question, because he could feel it too._

_They both made a deal._

_And every deal has a price._

_“I can’t, Dean.” Cas kissed him._

_“But if you love me, find me.”_

~o~

“The angel came across an ancient entity locked away in Heaven. In exchange for power, he gave away his grace. The Seraph struggled to summon a witch and made a deal with her. Power in return for his memories. They both agreed.”

“That’s why they couldn’t stay in Heaven.”

What happened next?”

“The angel couldn’t stay in Heaven. If the Seraph returned to Earth, his memories would be wiped clean. It was a tough choice, but an obvious one.”

“They returned to Earth.”

“And then?”

“The angel searched for the Seraph. Since Raphael stole the Seraph’s grace, the Seraph became human. The angel vowed to look for the Seraph, even if it took several lifetimes. The end.” There were groans from his audience.

“What?! You asked for it!”

“Seriously, you listened to this as kids?” Alex turned to her friend.

“Yes.”

“And you were okay with that kind of crappy ending?”

“In my defense, I heard that when I was three, I didn’t know any better.”

“Besides…” Claire looked at her father.

“Dad has something to say about it.”

“Well, I used to tell them that an open ended story is the best ending you could get. It gives you enough room to think about the countless possibilities, thus the story never really ends.”

‘Except…” Dean thought.

‘Ours already did.’

~o~

It took a while before the group trickled into their respective tents or cabins, with Bobby’s little sailboat for for the boys, and Benny’s boat for the girls. Dean tried to sleep but failed. Recounting what happened to him and Cas was difficult, especially since Cas was there.

“Hey.” He heard the flapping of wings and knew that it was his brother.

Sam had stayed behind for a while after that. Sam insisted on going with him, but he declined. He screwed his and Cas’ life enough, and he wasn’t going to do the same to his brother. But stubbornness apparently was seared in their grace, as he suddenly found Sam knocking on his door three years after he fell.

“You sure that was okay?”

“As if Cas remembers any of it.” Dean laughed bitterly.

“Sorry man, if I had come down sooner…” Dean cut him off.

“Nobody’s fault, Sam. It was just fate.”

Fate.

After Dean fell, he struggled to find his little niche in the human world. It took him a good long while, but he managed. And as soon as he already knew what train schedules and traffic rules are, he set his mind on finding Cas.

But where or how would he start?

And so he thought about getting himself a job that took him places. Naturally, a former angel would choose flying, but his newly humanized self decided he hated to have his feet off the ground, so that was why he decided to take the alternative.

It took a couple of odd jobs before he met Rufus. He owned a number of ships which he rented out, and soon, he was teaching Dean the ropes about the business. The day Dean set sail was memorable for him. His mind was singing at the thought of seeing Cas again.

But the world was wide, and the people all over the place. He couldn’t find Cas anywhere. And that was why he took solace on the blue sea. At least that reminded him of Cas. Things changed when Sam ditched Heaven. He got his brother back, and with that, a chance to learn about Cas’ whereabouts.

Only, they were a bit too late.

Sam withheld the information from him. Dean quit his job and his brother flew him to the other side of the world where Cas was staying. Only, he wasn’t alone. By the time he found Cas, Cas had already found Kelly. And they were perfect.

The truth shattered Dean’s soul, but who was he to deny Cas the happiness he deserved? And instead of leaving, he stayed. He became friends with Cas, they were so close that he was the best man in his wedding.

The universe did like to play dirty most of the time.

But Dean didn’t mind. As long as he saw Cas happy, it was okay with him, even if it would sometimes send him sharp jolts of pain.

“So, what’re you gonna do about Cas leaving?”

“It’s only three weeks in Rome, Sam. I ain’t that clingy.”

“Dean. You know it’s not just three weeks.”

True. Cas had told Dean about his plan to stay in Rome indefinitely. Kelly had a friend there who offered him a teaching job. If Cas liked it, he could go back the next semester and teach full time.

“You’ll lose him again.”

“I already lost him.”

~o~

Their last activity was fishing. The girls decided to go along with the boys and even brought their own gear, so they decided to pack up early and head out. Tempers were running high as no one was yet to catch a fish, so Dean decided to sneak into the kitchen to make some dessert.

“I knew I’d find you here.” Cas said, grinning at him.

“They need to chill, so I’m making some ice cream.”

They stared at each other. Dean found it silly that they often did that, but he couldn’t help it. As much as he wanted to look away, his gaze would always be held locked in those blue eyes.

“Would you like some help?”

Dean cherished every moment with Cas, even though he knew Cas didn’t have any idea about what he felt, he was simply contented living like this: having the one person he loved almost in his grasp, but not quite.

“I’m really hopeless in the kitchen.” Cas grinned sheepishly as he looked at his finished parfait and compared it to Dean’s

“Nah, you did good.” Dean smiled, proud of Cas’ work.

“Shall we get this to them?”

They collected trays and started setting the glass in them. There was one moment when they both reached for the same glass and their hands touched. Dean remembered the book shop, what happened after that. He blushed and Cas laughed. Dean laughed with him, but deep inside, he wanted to drag Cas down to the floor and kiss him, hold him, until he’s sure that Cas won’t slip away from him again.

“Hey, are those for us!?!?!” Claire’s voice boomed at the doorway. Benny walked in after Claire and Jack, Benny suspiciously took Dean’s tray from his hand (but not before handing a glass each to Claire and Jack) and proceeded to guide Cas out of the room leaving Dean alone with Cas’ children.

“We need to talk.” Claire said.

“Dean, we’re really happy about you taking care of us. I mean, you’re practically our parent.” Jack smiled.

“When mom died, you were there. You told me she was in a better place. You were always there when I missed her. You even took care of this snot-nosed kid when he was still a baby.” Claire tilted his head towards Jack who was still grinning.

“We’re glad you’re a part of our family. Let’s get that straight. But we just want to know…” Claire hesitated.

“Do you… for some reason… like our father?”

Son of a bitch.

“What?!” He exclaimed, panic rising in his chest.

“We’re not blind. We’ve seen how close you two grew. We’re old enough Dean. We just want to know the truth.”

“Why?”

“Because we love you and we love our dad. We don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

“Dad…” Claire began.

“Dad is leaving. He’s been offered a post in some university in Rome and he’s hell bent on going there.”

“So?”

“He said it’s just going to be three weeks and then he comes back? No. He’s staying there. For good. Why do you think he arranged this party for me? It was his goodbye present to me.”

Dean felt like he’s been doused with cold water.

“Mom’s friend secured that position for him already. His bags are packed. You won’t see him for a long time, Dean.” Jack explained, his smile falling.

He was going to lose Cas.

Again.

“He didn’t tell me.”

“He doesn’t want to tell anyone.”

Dean’s temper flared. He marched out of the kitchen and onto the deck to find Cas.

“Castiel!” he roared, pushing the slightly smaller man against the railing. Benny and Sam were quick to stop anyone who tried to get to them.

“Dean?”

“Why are you leaving?”

“Claire told you?”

“Why?”

“I-“

Dean didn’t let him finish. He leaned down and kissed him roughly. He heard gasps behind him, but he didn’t care. The kiss didn’t last long though, he pulled away. He was surprised to feel tears falling from his eyes.

“Dean.” Cas raised a hand and wiped his tears.

‘Find me.’ Those were Cas’ final words to him before they were separated.

He found him.

But then he lost him to Kelly.

And now?

He’s going to lose Cas again

“Dean.”

Dean slackened his hold on Cas but he was surprised when Cas pulled him close. And it took a few seconds before it dawned to him that Cas was kissing him.

It looked like this time he found Cas, really found him.

He wrapped an arm around Cas’ wait while his other hand cradled Cas’ head. They were oblivious to what was happening around them.

He did it. He found Cas.

**Author's Note:**

> I might write companion piece ro this based on Cas' P.O.V. any thoughts? Find me at magicknightriderjellyfish on tumblr. 


End file.
